I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
