allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
