I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
