Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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