I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
