i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
