we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
