I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
