I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As shirtless as possible
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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