Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
