I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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