If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
