Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
