Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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