I'm so fucking centered right now
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
