remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We got so high we made milksteak
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
