My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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