can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
