How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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