I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize