mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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