Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There r osticjed everywhere
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
