I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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