i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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