I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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