Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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