help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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