Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
