Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You need a sexual gate keeper
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize