Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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