we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize