Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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