omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
