There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
