Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
