If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
