You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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