Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize