I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
