Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
