I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
