I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
