Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize