Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
