let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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