possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
