I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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