I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
