This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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