I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
