i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
