I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
