My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
