Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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