I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
