I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I look better un-naked...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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