I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
