Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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