You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize