she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
