I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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