hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
