I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
